Uncharted Thoughts.

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Addio, amore mio

For those of you that do not know, I am in a long distance relationship with my fiancé. She is Canadian, and I am English. She lives some 4300 miles from me, crossing seven time zones, a entire ocean and majority of the second largest country in the world.

This last week, we have been in Italy together for my sisters wedding, we had a great time. This is the last time we will be separated, in two weeks I will be arriving in Canada, with my visa and my entire life in a bag.

It’s not long, at all, 13 days is a wink of the eye in comparison to the length of time we have been doing long distance. First is was 6 weeks, then it was 6 months, the 3 months, and now, two weeks.

The distance has been hard, although I found the longest stint easiest, this last one really had and effect on us both.

I love her, and watching her leave reminds me why I love her, but something was different this time. A reminder of what out life has been for the last 10 months.

I thought that this last two weeks would be a doddle. A walk in the park, and not to coin a phrase, but a blink of an eye. I was wrong, this is by far the hardest goodbye we have had to do. Tears at the airport, long hugs, wondering if we could stay a moment longer. That’s not to say there were no tears before, nor that it was an easy departure. This time, it seemed so much harder.

I found myself more irritable this time around, I was anxious, filled with negativity. My usual self was left at home, while I took to Italy a very heightened man. Heightened as in, over stimulated and irritable.

Even though I was fighting this negativity, and attempting to be present and not take the now for granted. I was also bitter, and off with everyone.

Usually, I attempt to avoid talking about my feelings, and personal life in my blog, but I needed somewhere to vent. I hope no one reads this to be honest, but if you do, my blog is usually much more… interesting than this I promise.

I ask that I am granted the wisdom to improve, the courage to implement those changes and the will to become disciplined in it.