Uncharted Thoughts.

Every year, without fail, January brings the same feeling of negativity and a disturbing perceived of lack of control. By 30, I thought that perhaps I’d be prepared for the inevitable crack in my otherwise positive and optimistic persona, but for some reason I never seem to be able to prepare myself for it.

This year, I am not allowing it to consume me.

Here I am, 9 days into January and I think I might have caught it before it completely took control. And, as usual, the cure is exercise and the great outdoors. A ointment that has saved me from the fall from grace so many times before.

I often take failure, or at least what I perceive as failure, pretty badly. I consider a step sideways a step back, if I am not moving forward, then I guess its South. This is far from the truth, and I need to remember that from time to time.

I’ve finished University, hopefully for the last time, and I came out with an incredible grade, some fond memories and the knowledge that I tried my best and outperformed my fellow students. In terms of the length I went to in an attempt to tell stories. For example, travelling to Pakistan, interviewing women fleeing the Taliban, creating a documentary, investigating a Neo-Nazi group in Manchester and of course working in multiple news rooms across the country.

The Silent Genocide: The Hazara Story 

Justice in Afghanistan: torture, rape, and humiliation without trial.

I spent 10 days with Afghan Refugees in Pakistan, this is what I learnt.

‘Far Right’ ideological groups target Manchester with Nazi propaganda stickers.

Of course, I was outperformed in tests and academically by a couple of the students, but when it came to sear will and the will to go above and beyond, I stood at the mountain top.

I mention this, only to explain why this January’s blue are a struggle to wrestle with. I finished University expecting employment, expecting to be moving forward in my life and career, but, as most of us are starting to realise, life has its own way of messing these plans up.

I am, once again, working in hospitality. Under paid, under valued and exactly where I was before my masters. It is not through lack of trying, I had a few interviews and plenty of rejections but the sense of failure lingers behind insecurities and competitiveness.

So, to combat this. I went out into the hills, hiked, ran and enjoyed the snow. Within six hours, I was healed from these ailments.

The healing powers of nature and a wonderous thing. To breath, to watch the sky drift, and the grass sway in the cold is a privilege we perhaps have forgotten. I wonder, if the cure to the mental health epidemic that sweeps the western world could be cured, if not, combatted by the one gift we were born with, outside.

Of course, it must be remembered that I am day one in my ‘Zen, hippie, walking, outdoor, hobbit’ phase. Day 1 is hard, but day 100 is far harder.

I hope you all push through this January, I pray you have a blessed one, and that you find a new, outdoor hobby to help dampen the noise of the world.