Uncharted Thoughts.

Its a sad reality of a man going into his 30th year, that weight and appearance should be such a concern. The reality is, I have always been concerned about my weight, and appearance. This isn’t a boo hoo, say I’m pretty article. It’s a reality of many men across the world. At some point, the metabolism just doesn’t work like it used to.

I’ve always considered myself rather ugly. There have been point in my life when I felt okay, expectable. But I’ve never been the man I wanted to be. Often, if not most of the time, I just wave these thoughts off with “Fuck it, can’t change your DNA” and got on with my day. But sometimes, when things are really really tough, the insecurities come out of the woodworks and nor at my mind like termites.

I work, a lot. I have a blog I try to keep up to date with on a regular basis. I am at university, doing my masters, I have a part time job and a girlfriend I’d like to keep. So, I don’t have much spare time, and the time I do have spare. I am working on some other project.

Last year, I was fit as a fiddle. Some knee issues on long distance runs caused by a overstretched T-Band, but besides that, I was a healthy weight, and running miles in the Lake District.

Since then, I have gotten rather stout. Not 450 pounds stout, just growing inches in the midriff and an extra chin making an appearance when the beard comes off.

I don’t like excuses, I don’t like laziness or incomitance and I definitely do not enjoy the sound of self loathing. Having said that, I am going to do a little bit of just that. I am struggling to find the time, the energy and financial ability to keep fit, and it is starting to annoy the shit out of me.

I don’t want to be fat. I want to be fit, and active. I want to be able to wear a t-shirt without the thought of prying judgemental eyes. I want to be able to go for a swim with my girlfriend without the thought of wet fat glistening in the sun. I’m not looking to be Mr muscle, just Mr passable.

I know there is an element of sacrifice that needs to be made when keeping fit. Time and energy are the two most likely to be put on this altar of fitness, but I just don’t have either of those to spend.

We all have that one mate, that looks good without a shirt on. The one that can eat an entire pizza to himself and drink beers by the masses and come off looking like a Greek God after months of carbs and fat abuse. Only for them to shrug is off before diving into a lake surrounded by girls that wanna ride him and boy who wanna be him.

Unfortunately, that isn’t the majority of us. The majority of us are unable to keep a consistent weight with abs and back muscles born from the womb. Most of us struggle with finding time to cook a meal that is healthy and filling. Greggs is the leading fast food seller in the UK for a reason. In this on-the-go world we live in, fat is poor, and thin is rich.

As of today, I have had to take a look in the mirror, literally and metaphorically, and make sacrifices for my health and for my mental wellbeing. Sugar, is going to have to go, regular runs are now a must 4/5 times a week. On-the-go food is a no-go. Hydration is key.

While university is important. I think it’s time to looks at being in the top 10 in class rather than number 1 or 2. Perhaps, health is more important than career. Even though I’d hate to continue dead end jobs.

I don’t want to be fat. I don’t want to be unable to climb hills and run in foreign lands.