Uncharted Thoughts.

Almighty Marcus, grant me the knowledge of stoicism and allow me to understand that all that is not in my control is but the passing wind and all that is in my power is everything.

A late realisation.

I am a good journalist, I say that with my head held high. I find good interesting and sometimes national worthy stories, I am proactive and, when I want to be, a good writer.

I thought coming into this world of journalism was the ticket to me escaping from the tiring, mundane life of a hospitality worker. That I’d find a purpose. Yet, like most of life’s surprises, all I found in journalism was another road block.

Besides the course itself being of poor quality, the industry seems to be more focused on clicks and likes that the quality of the stories and the news being produced. I have found several really interesting and ground breaking stories over the past five months. Most on social issues and poverty in the UK. None of these stories have been published by any major news outlet and I have received £0 for any of the work I have managed to complete.

I know, this is a vent post. Most of you won’t read to this point alone. But I really feel lost once again in this world of climbing ladder.

The sands of dreams, slip though my hands once again.

When I was young, I wanted a house, kids and a wife, a dog and enough money to live without threat. Now, I just want a job that pays enough for me to survive.

I dreamt once to often and landed in a pit of despair. I should have just continued with the labour job I had when I was 16, become a bricklayer and built homes, worked with my hands and earnt enough cash to do all my previous dreams. But we are lied to. Constantly told that education is the way to money, to better living standards and to a satisfying job.

I fell for that trap. Now, I will leave university with a degree undergraduate at a 2:1 with a very ambitious dissertation. I will have a masters, with a documentary and much more under my belt and I will be on a wage much lower than any trade job that I could have had from the offset.

I am now 29, almost 30. With no career, no savings, no house, no kids and a degree and masters that seem to be worthless.

The lost generation was those that came of age around WW1. That may be the case, but we the generation of despair. A age group who were lied to, who have no chance of success and bumble from job to job in search of financial freedom.

I don’t want to quit this course, it isn’t my style. But I do dream of a simpler life sometimes. One where I work a 9-5 in some manager role in a shop somewhere, come home every evening to a wife and go camping on the weekends. Perhaps travel twice a year and just relax and watch the world burn up around us as we have no care in the world.

Ambition, isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes its a poison, specially if you are consistently blocked from achieving anything.