Trigger warning* topics of sexual harassment, sexual assault, assault and sexual exploitation. No triggering pictures will be included in this blog post.
This is a topic we often try to ignore as men, as a nation and as the human race. Be it out of shame guilt or ignorance. Its a topic I hold as a top priority for every member of our society and for the police to combat with absolute integrity and vigilance. Its one that needs to be revaluated within out culture and within the legal system. Too long have these statistics been available online for little to be done about it. Drastic changes need to be made, not tomorrow but today, because statistically in America alone 1136 women will be sexually assaulted by tomorrow. Who knows what those statistics are here in the U.K. or across the world.
Once again, we are waking up to the news of another barbaric killing of a woman. Just yesterday Rebecca Chepetgei, a Kenyan Olympic long distance runner, was doused in gasoline and set alight by her ex boyfriend, unfortunately dying from organ failure later the same day. Although the circumstances are unknown of why this dreadful act was committed, the truth is, the why doesn’t matter.
What matters, is putting an end to violence against women. It is a fantasy to believe that violence towards women and girls will stop completely, as much as it is a fantasy for us to stop wars, or prevent poverty. However, something needs to be done to prevent or counter the growing number of these spineless attacks.
We all have woman that we love, be it our mother, wife, girlfriend, sister or friend. So why are so many man unable to control their vile acts of violence and perversion? I say men quite loosely here, men by gender perhaps, but not men by a moral standing. No man in my eyes or in the eyes of most will act violently towards a woman, or sexually exploit or harm another human being. There are no excuses, no lectures on your vile actions that can justify the lack of empathy, humanity or decency these ‘men’ possess.
I recently came across a Youtuber recently called Vlad Ncl. He is a self labelled “big Russian man”, who dresses up as a woman to exposes creepy, rotten men both online and in person. Vlad will either enter video chat rooms or walk dark streets in an attempt get the attention of these low life creeps and record their interactions.
At times, it truly is horrifying to watch, as both young and old men attempt to seduce Vlad in the most graphic and vile manor. Some by asking directly for sex, others by gesturing sexual remarks with their hands or bodies. Only then, after he repeatedly reminds them that he is not interested, they attempt, sometimes successfully, to sexually assault him. At times I find myself filled with rage watching these men attempt to grab Vlad and pushing him into a direction of a hotel or alley.
It is not long before Vlad himself becomes overwhelmed with the disgusting acts these men commit and breaks character. Only for most of the men to continue their vile pursuit.
Before heading further into this blog, I recommend watching his content, he is doing the world a favour by exposing these people and the truth about violence towards women in the 21st century. A epidemic that is global and beyond concerning for us all.
The facts.
When it came to violence against women and girls, I must admit, in my early 20s I was in denial about its reality. I thought it was a way to make men feel bad for being men, a way to promote the ideologies of extreme left winged, green haired, temper tantrum liberals. I was very much a conspiracist when it came to this topic and looking back, I think I know why. I was scared to face the reality of the situation, I was scared for my sisters, for my mother and for any of the hundreds of girls I had met, passed by in the street or become friends with over the years. The more I would deny the existence of this issue, the safer I felt.
That was until I started to notice it. I will say, I never noticed violence when I was younger. I’d go to parties where women were blackout drunk, I’d go to nightclubs and pubs, even when walking home or catching the bus back from work at night. I didn’t witness any violence or sexual harassment towards women. This played into my tin foil fantasy, I was becoming more and more settled in this safety blanket by the world I was witnessing. That was until I turned 23.
I witnessed my first sexual attack on a girl in a nightclub when I was out town. I was shocked by the situation. The blood from my face drained away as I witnessed a man groping a woman at the bar. Security dealt with the situation. Then again, when I was 25, I intervened as a man dragged a girl into a corner of a nightclub and assaulted her in front of everyone. Then again at 26, I intervened when a boyfriend was violently abusing his girlfriend on a night bus home from London. Someone close to me was attacked on duty as a police officer, it is unclear if it was due to her gender or the badge she wore. Three girls I know from University were spiked on nights out in 2021. A co-worker was beaten by her boyfriend, coming to work with black eyes and bruised thighs.
The tinfoil hat was off. And the fact made it no easier to except the reality of my new world.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) released a statistic that implies 1 in 3 women across the world have been victims of abuse either physical or sexual. That is a shocking statistic that brings light on the overwhelming reality of life as a woman in todays society. In England and Wales alone, 6.54 million women have been raped or sexually assaulted. 1 in 6 children have been sexually abused.
But lets be honest, 1 in 3 is low compared to the real number. I dread to think how many women have either not come forward, or have been assaulted on numerous occasions by different perpetrators. Just imagine how much this statistic would grow if we attached sexual harassment into the statistics.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Centre (NSVRC), sexual harassment has effected 81% of women. So, putting these statistics together, as well as those that have not report the crimes, we can come to a conclusion that most women, have been targets of violence and or harassment in their life time.
I think there is a really important aspect to this that we should consider when we talk about sexual assault. Something that I think stunts a lot of men in their thinking when it comes to these statistics. As I mentioned previously, the reason I was sceptical of these statistics in my early 20s was because I never witnessed it… until I did. But the truth is, most sexual assaults happen behind closed doors, not like in the movies where a woman is dragged down an ally by a creepy man, or kidnapped by handsome men at the bar, no most sexual assaults are committed by: A boyfriend, husband, family member or friend/acquaintance.
Of course, assaults happen in public, and they are not to be overlooked in any way. But the majority occur in private places.
Types of violence.
It is important to be aware of the types of violence that occur in our communities. In doing so we are able to report on crimes, and keep our loved ones safe.
Intimate partner violence:
As stated before, a lot of violent crimes take place in private. Be aware that ‘love’ or ‘relationships’ or ‘situationships’ are no shield against violence. A woman, can be assaulted by their partners, friends and family members. A relationship, be that, marriage or friendship can be abusive. A ring, or a kiss does not give anyone the right to another persons body.
Sexual Violence:
Sexual violence is any sexual act committed against the will of another person, either when this person does not give consent or when consent cannot be given because the person is a child, has a mental disability, or is severely intoxicated or unconscious as a result of alcohol or drugs.
What is a sexual act? A sexual act is anything that involves touching of the sexual nature. Be that, kissing, touching under clothes, groping, oral sex, penetration.
If you commit any of these without the consent of a persons, you are committing sexual assault.
If you go in for a kiss and are rejected, this is not sexual assault. If you continue to act on this despite the rejection, you are sexually assaulting someone.
Human trafficking:
Human trafficking isn’t an act of violence in itself. However, with trafficking comes violence and sexual assault. Most women that are trafficked, are sexually assaulted by their traffickers, 4 out of 5 are then sold into sex slavery or sexually exploited.
For awareness purposes, below are some ways to tell if someone is being trafficked:
- Living with employer.
- Poor living conditions.
- Multiple people in cramped space.
- Inability to speak to individual alone.
- Answers appear to be scripted and rehearsed.
- Employer is holding identity documents.
- Signs of physical abuse.
- Submissive or fearful
Female genital mutilation.
Although female genital mutilation is a practice followed by a very small countries and peoples, even if one soul has the endure the barbarity of this evil procedure, it is a crime against humanity. These practices predominantly occur in West and East African countries such as Somalia, Ethiopia, Sierra Leone and Mali.
I do not with to go into the details of these mutilations. Although I am dedicated to talking about issues across the world, no matter the topic. I do not think this is appropriate. It is a vile, inhuman act that should be criminalised with severe punishment. Outlawing this crime is a key aspect of creative equality across the world.
Although in the west female genital mutilation is almost non existent. In immigrant communities and throughout religious ideologies, there are many cases of its existence. So, if you hear reports of these crimes, take them seriously and report them to your local authorities and police station.
Although this blog post is about violence towards women and girls, I’d also like to state that although female mutilation is rare in most countries, male mutilation is more common and, spoken about with will interjection. Jewish boys are circumcised on a daily basis and there is little talk about its reality. Deforming the body of a underage child is barbaric, and damaging. The reality is, people are mutilating the body of a non consenting person. Be it an ear piercing, tattoo or a circumcision, a child’s body should not be transformed by anyone’s hands unless for medical purposes.
Child Marriage.
Child marriage in international law, states that anyone married under the age of 18 has been victim of child abuse. Much like female genital mutilation, acts of underage marriage are rare in the majority of the world. The nine out of the top ten countries with underage marriages are located in Africa according to a 2020 study. Meaning like likely hood of this being on our community doorsteps are low. However, if you have evidence of these crimes being committed in your area, you should report them to the authorities.
Child marriage usually means an end to girl’s education, vocation and her right to make life choices. Research confirms that girls who marry in childhood are at greater risk for intimate partner violence than girls of the same age who marry later. 4 out out of 10 sub-Saharan girl were married before the age of 18.
The uncertain future.
Not to go on about me, but as I stated, I was once a critic of these statistics and I do still advertise people to be critics in their everyday life. But not a critic out of fear or emotions, but a critic out of the search for truth. Always question, but never deny out of feelings. Go, now, do your own research, talk to people and come up with your own conclusions… But know this. As men, we need to do more. We need to educate our children properly, we need to protest along side women, we need to support them, and in doing so, support out friends, loved ones and fellow human beings. After all, 50% of the planet are women.
There is a really comical argument by Jordan Peterson I saw the other day. Once again, Dr Peterson was not advocating for violence against women, nor was be ignoring the facts of violence. He stated something along the lines of: violence committed against women is predominantly committed by men, violence against men are predominantly caused by men. This shows that men are not the issue here, but violence is. Men are the vessel in which violence can be most destructive, due to our physical and biological advantages. The issue starts with education, family dynamics and awareness.
We, meaning both men and women, are responsible for the future of this issue. We must teach our children to respect others, control their emotions and to practice discipline. Much like how a child is not born racist, a child is not born a violent predator.
I usually put a link to my ‘Buy me a coffee’ page but instead please consider donating to a charity that combats these issues today, I have linked some below for your convenience:
https://www.actionaid.org.uk/ – A charity working in Africa, combating female genital mutilation
https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/ – A charity working to protect children from underage marriage
https://www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk/ – A charity combating violence against women
https://www.unseenuk.org/ – A charity dedicated to protecting trafficked persons
Uncharted Thoughts. 
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